New Free Newsletter

Please take a moment to sign up for our new Free Newsletter today, and we'll send you periodic information geared specifically towards getting you the on the road to recover as soon as possible. You're going through a tough time right now, whether you're trying to save your marriage or just get your divorce over as soon as possible, and the more informed you are, the more successful you'll be. It just takes a minute, it's free, and it's a great way to keep someone in your corner, offering advice and helping you get your life back on track.

2011 and Beyond
I am basically an optimist, I tend to believe that good things will be coming along and I try to do what I can to make sure they do. With that in mind, I'm working through some changes to the section of the site specifically geared towards saving marriages.

From studying the patterns of the typical visitor to this site, it has become obvious that most people who visit are not yet divorced, and are looking for ways to avoid divorce, and so we're going to make sure if that's why you're here, you'll find what you need to help you be successful in your attempt to get through your whatever problems are affecting you right now.

If you find what you're looking for here, won't you help us spread the word? Send a link to a friend, mention us on your Facebook page, share a Tweet with someone. There's plenty of people out there who will thank you for sharing some positive information on this most negative of all subjects.

Well, I would like to start this section off by saying how sorry I am that you find yourself here. I know from first-hand experience some of what you are feeling right now. I've felt that stomach churning feeling that comes from knowing your spouse has been having sex with someone else. I know you probably find yourself constantly thinking about, about them together, perhaps picturing them in your mind, as much as you don't want to, the images race through your imagination. I know how you must think that the other person is so much more attractive than you are, your self-esteem has taken a horrible hit. You're probably not sleeping very well, your stress level is through the roof and you wonder if you can ever get to the point where you could possible trust and respect your spouse again.

Well, I am here to tell you that finding our your spouse has cheated on you does not absolutely have to mean the end of your marriage. With work, patience and a fair amount of determination, it is possible to work through this gut wrenching time and get things back on track. But you most likely will not be able to do this without some help.

One of the best things I happened across while dealing with this myself was the "Survive an Affair FREE course" from Dr. Frank Gunzburg. This course is direct, simple to follow and completely focused on taking you through the process of recovering and healing from what has happened.

Another excellent resource is an eBook entitled, "Life after the Affair". This is a really great eBook that you can get your hands on right now that is going to give you some really straightforward information on infidelity. The information in here will help you understand why affairs happen, and help you find your own ways to move past this episode with your self-respect and self-confidence intact.

And if those two didn't seem to be the right resource for you, try Affair Repair: which has been written by the nationally recognized relationship export, Kara Oh.

The first thing I want to do is talk about some of the feelings that you are most likely feeling right now. If you are normal, you're experiencing a whole range of emotions, and if you're like me, you might actuially fear that you are losing your sanity as your emotions take you on a wild roller coaster ride. But take heart, the things you are feeling are perfectly normal reactions to the situation you are currently experiencing, and while I know you probably don't believe me right now, I promise that these emotions will eventually fade and pass by and your life will become normal again. But first, let's talk about what you maybe feeling right now.

Denial

- This is a very normal first reaction, and most of us will spend some period of time simply refusing to believe that our spouse is involved with someone else, no matter how compelling the evidence may be. But try to be honest with yourself and accept what has happened. Only through honesty and clarity can you get through this, no matter what ultimately happens with your marriage.

Anger

- Don't be surprised to find yourself angrier than you've ever been before. An affair attacks the very foundation of our day to day life, robbing us of our security, violating the vows we took when we married, and stripping away all the peace of mind we got from being married. A normal reaction is to be mad as hell at your spouse and at the other person who has come along and invaded our life. But this is also one of the more destructive emotions you'll be working through, so please try to keep this one under some form of control. Don't deny that you're angry, but also don't allow yourself to give in to blind anger and lash out in some way that you will wind up regretting later on. When I first wrote this page, a woman in Texas was on trial for killing her husband with her car in a fit of rage after she followed him and his lover to a motel. She ended his life, ruined hers forever and the toll she has taken on her children simply cannot be measured. Anger must be controlled! You must accept it, but find a way to keep it under control and make every attempt to move past this most destructive of all emotions.

Rejection

- It's pretty much impossible to not feel personally rejected when you find that your spouse has placed another before you. Your self-esteem will probably hit an all time low at some point before you recover. Here's where I recommend that you turn to your friends and family for strength.  Try to surround yourself with those people who love and respect you, draw strength from their feelings towards you, and try not to allow yourself to believe you are unworthy of love just because of the actions of your spouse. Try to understand that your spouse took the actions they did because they are struggling to solve their own personal problems.  It is not necessarily your fault, and YOU ARE NO LESS OF A PERSON because your spouse committed adultery.

Now, this list is by no means the absolute complete list. It's more a starting place to help you understand the wide range of emotions you may be feeling, and to help you accept the fact that they are a normal result of what has happened. What you're going through is normal, and it's important to understand that you may feel different emotions at different times. You may be mad one minute, depressed the next and then slip back into denial before working around to being mad again. Again, don't worry, you're not losing your mind!

Affairs happen for lot's of reasons, but mostly they happen when one person finds that some of their emotional and physical needs aren't being met inside of their marriage. For right or wrong, they turn outside the marriage in search of what they are missing. Perhaps they've even tried to work things out with their partner first, but have been rejected, rebuffed or otherwise not taken seriously. In my particular situation, my wife suffered from low self-esteem, and found that being overly friendly and flirtatious with other men made her temporarily feel better about herself.  Eventually, her behavior led to physical affairs, more than one, and some that took place over long periods of time.  The entire time this was going on, I was totally unaware of the fact that she was so desperately searching for ways to feel good about herself.  Had I been paying more attention to what was going on with her, I may have been able to help her combat some of her self-esteem issues.

Affairs are also double-edged swords, typically the person who is actually having the affair finds themselves filled with conflicting emotions.  While their new lover fills some of the needs they are so desperately searching for, the act of cheating on their spouse may also bring feelings of self-loathing, shame and even in some instances thoughts of suicide.

Now something you need to understand is this, getting past an affair takes work, and it take some specific steps. Most likely, nothing that you have been through in your life up to this point will have prepared your for the work that is ahead of you. So, let me offer some advice, get some expert guidance! Start right here, with a plan designed to help you begin to Forgive and work through what has happened. Let an expert give you one on one advice that will absolutely get you on the road to recovery.

What I am talking about here is a unique 5-Step approach to forgiving your spouse. Let's face it, you loved this person enough to marry him or her. You thought you would spend the rest of your life happily together, but now this emotional land-mine has gone right in the middle of things, and you don't know how to recover. Frank Gunzburg is an expert on the subject and if anyone can get you through this, I believe he can.