I’ll be honest, in the past, this area has been a haven for the forum trolling spammers out there and their damnable nuisance advertisements for all manner of male enhancement products. I’m hopeful that we’ve got things tightened up this time enough to keep them out without making it too much of a nuisance for those of you who really want to find someone to talk to.

Please go check it out while you’re here and let’s get that portion of the site fired up. There’s thousands of us here during each month, and I’m sure we can get a lot of questions answered and good advice distributed.

In this article, I’m going to give you some key steps you can take to get your sense of self-worth back.

The Results of The Crash

After you discover that your spouse has been cheating on you, you’ll no doubt go through an entire range of emotions. Your no doubt going to be hurt, you’ll for sure be angry, but often times, we turn some of that anger inward and that’s often where the self-respect starts to take a hit.

We ask ourselves questions like:

• Why didn’t I know this was happening?
• How could I have missed all the signs, the sudden nights working late, the unexpected trips out of town, etc.?
• What’s so wrong with me that would cause my spouse to do this to me?
• Why wasn’t I enough to keep my spouse satisfied?

Let’s face it, if you’re inner dialogue is full of questions along those lines, it’s no wonder your self-respect has taken a beating. In life, we’re sometimes our own best champion, and when our inner dialogue turns negative, it can be very difficult to return to a state of feeling healthy and filled with self-worth.

It’s not unnatural to turn some of your anger inward.  This is a tumultuous time, filled with doubts: about your marriage, your spouse, yourself and even what you want to have happen next.

But it’s important for you to realize that these negative thoughts are something that you can get control of, that you don’t have to be stuck in this whirlpool of self-doubt and with some effort, you can begin to turn things around and get yourself back on track towards a more positive self-image.

Keep this in mind: no matter what anyone has done around you, what actions your spouse has taken – your mind is yours and your alone!  You are the one who controls what goes on there.  You can’t control other people, but just as you can’t control them they certainly cannot control your mind.  Only you can do that, and if you are determined to regain your mental health, noone can stop you!

Get Your Self-Respect Back

You aren’t the person who caused your spouse to decide to cheat.  No matter what excuses may have been tossed out since you’ve discovered the affair, that’s all they are, excuses.  They are not valid justifications for the lack of personal integrity your spouse has demonstrated, they are just excuses.  Maybe things were no going so great in your marriage before the infidelity took place, but it’s really quite silly to think that having an affair would do anything positive for the marriage.

Affairs make a struggling marriage worse – every time!

Your spouse made poor decisions and you are suffering the pain as a result of it.  You didn’t ask for this train wreck, but you’re smack dab in the middle of it.  You probably feel like your entire world is out of your control right now, and this loss of control is another major contributor to your loss of self-respect.

So, how do you get yourself well? Here’s 3 important things you can do to begin the recovery:

1 – Take Personal Responsibility

You’re not responsible for the actions of your spouse, but you are responsible for your life! And, if you’re still interested in saving your marriage, you are responsible for helping to get the healing started between you and your spouse. But don’t forget, you are NOT responsible for the affair!

There’s only one person who can change the tone of your inner dialogue, and that person is you.  Stop beating yourself up mentally, stop telling yourself you somehow deserved this or that you made it happen.  Change the tone from negative to positive, and you’ll start to change the way you feel about yourself.  Tell yourself that you’re strong and resilient and capable of getting this tough time behind, and your words will begin to translate into positive emotions.

2 – Reality Check

I’m not telling you to deny the fact that you’re angry.  Accept it, it is the reality of the moment.  But don’t believe that these feelings are permanent, they aren’t!  I’m a big believer that we have to be honest with ourselves, so if you’re depressed, accept it, but also believe that you’ll recover from it.

Once you accept the reality of the moment, this particular moment will already be on its way past you.  I don’t want to minimize things, but think for a minute about how we feel when the car has a flat tire.  We think “Dang, flat tire, this really sucks!”  But do we think “This car will never move again”?  No, we think about what it’s going to take to get the flat fixed so we can get back on the road.  This time in your life can be a lot like that.  Sure, it’s certainly a bad time right now, no doubt about that and no denying it.  But what I want you to believe is that this bad time isn’t permanent.

3 – Feed the Positive Emotions

Your marriage has probably not been in a great state for some time now.  If you really examine the state of things, it’s probably been a while since things were as happy and fulfilling as they were to begin with, even when you were still in the dark about the affair.  Life probably wasn’t all the much fun, especially with your spouse for a while or let’s face it, you wouldn’t be where you are right now.

So, let’s start to turn things around be starting to work on getting some of the fun back in to your life and hopefully also back in to your relationship.

I’m not saying that you need to ignore the hard work that must take place if you’re going to save your marriage, but I am saying that you do need to start working on getting some positive things back into your life if you’re going to start enjoying it again.  Your emotions and your very spirit have taken a beating, but you can lift them back up.  If you’ll start to nurture and love yourself again, you’ll find your sense of self-worth starting to recover.

In fact, if you’ll indulge me, I’ll offer you this challenge.  You’re sitting here reading this right now, you know you’re full of these negative mental conversations, you’re feeling low, sad, angry, hurt, confused and more.  But I’d like to challenge you to just stop for a moment and see if you can’t come up with something that you can do for yourself that will make you feel some sense of happiness, even if it’s a just a short little “blip” on the emotional radar.  Find it, and then do it.  And then, congratulate yourself and revel in that one positive thing.  It’s ok to feel ok, even in the midst of what you’re going through right now.

And if you can do today, do at least one small thing that makes you feel better for a minute, you will have taken your first step on that journey toward regaining your inner happiness and self-confidence.  And if you can do it today, you can do it again tomorrow.  As they say on the shampoo bottles, lather, rinse, repeat!!

I’ve always felt that those of us going through this turmoil sometimes need an outlet, need to talk with others who can understand exactly the crazy things we’re feeling, and I’d truly like to hear from you on this subject.  Remember, your story might also help someone else get started on their own path to healing.

Won’t you please share a bit of what you’re feeling now, and if possible, tell me how you’re taken that first step towards getting your inner voice speaking positive things again?

We’re here because we want to get this bad time behind us, so please share what you’ve done that’s helped you.

If you didn’t find enough information here, I’d offer another course of action.  Go sign up right now for a FREE course from Dr. Frank Gunzburg designed specifically to help you learn how to survive an affair.

Thanks,

Jon

If you haven’t bookmarked the site, you might want to do that now.  You can also follow me on Twitter and Facebook if you prefer to keep up with what’s going on in “real time”.  I can’t promise it will be non-stop excitement, but I do promise to continue to try to offer up useful advice and suggestions that you can put to use to make your own day a little more enjoyable.

Thanks!

Jon